Questions are a powerful part of any conversation. They can open doors to understanding, spark meaningful and insightful dialogue, and help us navigate the complexities of life and leadership. But not all questions are created equal. Sometimes the answers we get aren’t what we expected or wanted. We might regret asking in the first place, and feel frustrated or unsure of what to do next. 

So consider this your chance to upskill your question-asking with two key lessons that will help you at work and in the rest of life.

Lesson 1: Don’t ask if you aren’t ready and willing to receive the answer.
Huong’s story:

When my son was a toddler, he was obsessed with dinosaurs and loved wearing his dinosaur costume everywhere. So, when I asked him what he wanted to wear on a flight for our vacation, his answer was no surprise—he wanted to wear the dinosaur costume on the plane.

At first, I laughed it off, but my son was serious. Since I had asked, he felt his input mattered. We talked it through, agreeing that he could wear the costume without the tail on the plane and remove it if he got too warm. And just like that, we took our little dinosaur to the airport, delighting everyone we passed.

This story reminds me of a critical lesson in leadership: never ask for input unless you’re prepared to act on it. When you ask your team for feedback, it’s essential to take their suggestions seriously—even if, at first, they don’t make sense to you or seem impractical. My son was confident in his choice because I had asked him what he wanted. Similarly, when leaders ask their teams for input, the team expects their answers to be considered.

It’s not always about doing exactly what’s suggested but about having conversations, exploring options, and negotiating to find a solution that works for everyone. Just like I talked through the logistics of the dinosaur costume with my son, leaders should engage with their teams to understand the ideas behind the feedback. Often, with a little flexibility and open-mindedness, you can arrive at a solution that makes your team feel valued and heard—while still being practical for the business.

Lesson 2: If you don’t like the answer you get, ask a better question. 
How many of you can relate to the following?

Angela’s story:

I’m racing around one evening trying to wrap up work and get dinner going while Mike is working late and I holler into the living room to our daughter “Hey Lily, do you want to take the dog out for a walk?”

…”nope.” (The teen years are right around the corner. I can feel it)

Well that’s NOT the answer I was hoping for. But maybe the issue wasn’t the answer at all—it was the question I asked in the first place.

In my experience, I’ve noticed that the way I phrase my questions really impacts the responses I get. So the key often lies in asking better questions.

At work, I’ve learned that asking better questions and being open to unexpected answers is crucial. Imagine asking your team if they’re happy with a process and getting a blunt “no.” It’s tempting to feel frustrated or dismiss the response, but I’ve found that the better approach is to dig deeper. I ask why they feel that way, what they think could improve, and how they see those improvements benefiting the team.

These deeper questions always open up a conversation that can lead to real improvements, not just surface fixes. By showing my team that their input matters, I’m building trust, fostering collaboration, and creating an environment where innovation can thrive.

So how do we ask better questions? Here are a few examples I’ve found helpful in uncovering important insights that might otherwise stay hidden:

  • Instead of “Does this timeline work for you?” try “What challenges might we face with this timeline?”
  • Instead of “Is everything okay?” ask “What could make things feel more manageable for you right now?”
  • Instead of “What do you think?” try “How could we improve this idea together?”
  • Instead of “Do you agree with this approach?” try “What’s missing from this approach that we haven’t considered yet?”

If you ask for input—whether from your team, your family, or even yourself—you have to be ready to take those responses seriously. Otherwise, why ask at all? And if the answer you get doesn’t sit right, maybe the question needs to change. Better questions lead to deeper understanding and more thoughtful solutions, so the next time you’re not satisfied with an answer, consider whether it’s the question that needs work.